Mother’s Day. When I was a kid, it was fun. I made gifts for my mom at school and was excited to share them with her when I got home. When we were first married, it was still fun. We celebrated our mothers and grandmothers and had a great time with family.
A few more years into our marriage, Mother’s Day became a day that I dreaded. I didn’t dread celebrating the mothers and grandmothers in our family. I dreaded not knowing how to approach Mother’s Day for myself. You see, early in our marriage, I had a miscarriage. The doctor suspected it was twins and one was ill so the unhealthy conditions took the life of it’s sibling and that was that. We had done more rounds of clomid than I cared to in order to become pregnant. We tried clomid again awhile later and I had what I believe was an early miscarriage.
It was at that point that we decided to take a break for awhile. I was overwhelmed with grief. I was hurt and I was questioning why all these women around me were getting pregnant at the drop of a hat, but I wasn’t. Why did I have to go through all of these treatments? Why did I have to go through all of these ridiculously invasive tests? I felt crazy from the meds I was on. I felt sick after the procedures. One even made me throw up because of the pain. Why me?
And then, the Lord nudged this verse back in front of me: “In his heart, a man plans his way, but the Lord determines his steps.”-Proverbs 16:9
I got angry for a moment. I asked God again, “Why me?!?!? If this is your plan for me, I don’t like it! I want to be a mom so badly! You gave me the desire to be a mom! I don’t understand!” And like the gentle Father he is, he nudged again,“In his heart, a man plans his way, but the Lord determines his steps.”
And in that moment, I was wrecked. Now, if I’m being completely honest, we had this conversation several times, but each time, I began to release more of the pain, the grief, the sadness, the guilt, the hate, the anger, and I started to let good things into my heart. I started asking God to show me kids who needed the love I had to offer that I was so desperately wanting to share with a child of my own. He brought some incredible opportunities to me. And by loving on other people’s kiddos and opening my mind up to possible different scenarios for my life, my heart began to soften.
Did I still have bad days? Oh sure! I still cried over ovulation and pregnancy tests. I still had a meltdown when my temperature chart didn’t read the way it needed to in order to conceive–shout out to all the ladies with low basal body temps! I still sat down with a glass of wine and a favorite meal when another cycle passed with no positive results. But, I didn’t let it consume me. In the beginning, especially after we lost the twins, it consumed every moment for a few weeks. I grieved so hard that I didn’t leave my house and didn’t go to work. I’m so thankful for those friends who stepped in and loved on me when I was at my lowest.
This is where you come into the story…
You know someone who has gone through my type of situation. If you aren’t fully aware, they are all around you. You have a chance to love on someone who is hurting. I have something to ask of you:
Love on the moms on Mother’s Day. Seems like a no-brainer, right? Hold on a second. Let me define “moms” for you…
Moms are women who…
*have carried a child, whether that child was born earth-side or heaven-side.
*have given birth to a perfectly formed little person, only to watch them take their last breath minutes, hours, days, weeks, or years after birth.
*are currently carrying a child. (Side note: please do not tell a pregnant woman that this isn’t her first Mother’s Day because she hasn’t delivered the baby yet. Just don’t be that person. I will find you and smack you upside the head.)
*have opened up their hearts and homes to another child who is not their own flesh and blood.
*have loved the children in their lives well and become a part of their family.
*will be mothers someday.
That last one is difficult for some people to celebrate on Mother’s Day. The desire is there in the hearts of those women. It is real. I do believe that these women have that desire placed in their hearts by God. They may be in the waiting and they need your encouragement. Celebrate them, too. Give them a hug. Earnestly pray for them. Ask God to soften theirs hearts and open their eyes to the opportunities around them. They have so much love in their hearts to give. Encourage them. Love them. Most of all, do not make them feel like outcasts tomorrow.
If Mother’s Day is about celebrating women in all kinds of different motherly roles, celebrate the moms-to-be who aren’t quite there yet, but have the heart for motherhood. You will make a difference in their lives. I promise.